As the holidays arrive & various Christmas parties & holiday cocktail hours are on the rise, certain preventative measures must be taken to promote personal safety. With that in mind, I urge everyone to please consider designating a friend to remove your phone after drinking & prevent drunk dialing & tipsy texting. If I can save 1 person from being haunted by the sketchy memories that come back after scrolling through the #s dialed & messages they wrote to various people at 2am (that pre-drink you'd never have the nerve to be so um, flirtatious), then I have done my job.
*My dear friend, you know who you are, I'm sorry for failing you last night.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Fit to be Bow-Tied
So...I bought these really cute undies awhile back and then NEVER got a chance to wear them for who I wanted to...so I just left them in the drawer. Anyway, today I thought, I'm going to wear those damn panties and to hell wit it....and I felt oh so sassy! Welllll, I went to Panera to order some lunch for the day and I didn't realize it, but the cute lil thong that had a big floppy bow at the top had totally creeped over the top of my work pants! SO DAMN EMBARRASSING!!! hahaaa! Whyyyyyy meee? whyyyyyy meeee???? I must have been 10 shades of red because I only noticed on my way out the door. :O(
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Light's out, please....
I have gone out with about five guys from Match recently and one thing I noticed is how much I drink! I can't seem to slow it down a bit because I get so nervous! Drinking just seems to help me relax....I know that sounds bad, but I liken it to this:
See having a date with cocktails is like having sex with the lights out or at least dimmed so you're more comfortable naked and not worrying about your body flaws and then a coffee date is like having a spotlight on you exposing every wrinkle and those unflattering dimples.
I don't like coffee dates...and based on the above explanation, this is why I hide behind a drink or a wine buzz.
See having a date with cocktails is like having sex with the lights out or at least dimmed so you're more comfortable naked and not worrying about your body flaws and then a coffee date is like having a spotlight on you exposing every wrinkle and those unflattering dimples.
I don't like coffee dates...and based on the above explanation, this is why I hide behind a drink or a wine buzz.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Match.com
The last guy I went out with turned out to be such a phoney that I made the decision to go looking for my man on a site where hopefully people genuinely want to find love.
It's been quite entertaining so far. I'm finding I'm sometimes more enthralled with all the things that people should NOT do on match.com when creating a profile.
In fact, I think I have created a new job for myself: "match.com photo helper." There are soooo many bad pictures out there.
If I had a date for every photo taken in a bathroom mirror, my calendar would be full for the rest of the year. A close second is the shot of a guy from 100 ft away where you can't tell if it's even the same person. Why even bother including that one?
Now going back to thinking I would find someone seriously looking for love....that's not even necessarily true. There's quite a few I've seen that openly admit in their profiles to just wanting "a good time" aka SEX. I've even had some contact me when it is clear from what I've written about myself that I'm looking for a long term relationship.
Just yesterday someone wrote and asked me to join him in his "BRAND NEW HOT TUB." Yah, he caps locked that whole part. It is just the strangest thing to me...but not surprising since what I have learned over the years is that guys go to many lengths to get laid.
More on that later....For now I'm going to try online dating and see what happens....if anything I will have some entertaining stories to share here.
(I sure am rambling today. It's obvious I am not focused!)
It's been quite entertaining so far. I'm finding I'm sometimes more enthralled with all the things that people should NOT do on match.com when creating a profile.
In fact, I think I have created a new job for myself: "match.com photo helper." There are soooo many bad pictures out there.
If I had a date for every photo taken in a bathroom mirror, my calendar would be full for the rest of the year. A close second is the shot of a guy from 100 ft away where you can't tell if it's even the same person. Why even bother including that one?
Now going back to thinking I would find someone seriously looking for love....that's not even necessarily true. There's quite a few I've seen that openly admit in their profiles to just wanting "a good time" aka SEX. I've even had some contact me when it is clear from what I've written about myself that I'm looking for a long term relationship.
Just yesterday someone wrote and asked me to join him in his "BRAND NEW HOT TUB." Yah, he caps locked that whole part. It is just the strangest thing to me...but not surprising since what I have learned over the years is that guys go to many lengths to get laid.
More on that later....For now I'm going to try online dating and see what happens....if anything I will have some entertaining stories to share here.
(I sure am rambling today. It's obvious I am not focused!)
Saturday, September 19, 2009
No, YOU'RE not the one!
So I met this guy we'll call Pete recently. We had some fun conversations and he seemed like a likable guy. Anyway, out of the blue he invited me to go on a rafting trip. I was unable to make it due to a prior commitment...but that's neither here nor there, but what is:
He asked me on Monday to go out on a date on Friday. I thought, "sure, why not?" The only drawback was that not only was he 7 years younger than me, but Pete also wasn't quite meeting my maturity level (which is not saying much!).
So two days later, I get a phone call from Pete. He says his friend is having an event that he wanted to go to and that maybe a date wouldn't work. He was stuttering a bit, so I knew something was up. In response, I said, "so is it that you want to go to your friend's show or that you just don't want to go on the date?" He said, "welllll, it's just that I'm at a point where I really want to meet the one and I don't think you're the one." WOW! I almost started laughing because 99% of guys I meet are less than forthright.
However, the immature girl that I am wanted to shout, "Oh, yah??!!! Well, I don't think YOU'RE the one! Ha! So there!"
I do have to wonder why the hell he asked me out in the first place and changed his mind in 2 days...can't figure you men out. Anyways....NEXT!
He asked me on Monday to go out on a date on Friday. I thought, "sure, why not?" The only drawback was that not only was he 7 years younger than me, but Pete also wasn't quite meeting my maturity level (which is not saying much!).
So two days later, I get a phone call from Pete. He says his friend is having an event that he wanted to go to and that maybe a date wouldn't work. He was stuttering a bit, so I knew something was up. In response, I said, "so is it that you want to go to your friend's show or that you just don't want to go on the date?" He said, "welllll, it's just that I'm at a point where I really want to meet the one and I don't think you're the one." WOW! I almost started laughing because 99% of guys I meet are less than forthright.
However, the immature girl that I am wanted to shout, "Oh, yah??!!! Well, I don't think YOU'RE the one! Ha! So there!"
I do have to wonder why the hell he asked me out in the first place and changed his mind in 2 days...can't figure you men out. Anyways....NEXT!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
He said...take a chance~
Well, I did. I was going back and forth as to whether I should go out with Seth, someone who was 3 months into a divorce....as in it wouldn't be final for about a year. Deep down it sounded like a bad idea...but I kept thinking why not take a chance? He seems to think he's ready!
In fact, me being me I asked advice from at least a dozen friends, some divorced, some not. Not one of them said I should "take a chance." In fact, all of them said DON'T DO IT.
What did I do though? Oh, well I listened to the advice, just didn't take it. It's a problem I have.
I can give advice all day, all week long and I am often asked for it. In fact I was asked by at least three different people today (2 female and 1 male!) for love advice...and I had a lot to say!
Oddly, I don't understand why people come to me really because I can't seem to keep a relationship going...or maybe I haven't wanted to.
But I digress back to taking a chance...so I decided to give this guy a shot. He was damn sure charming. I went for it and fell for the lines like the true dreamer I am. I thought there might have been a chance with this one. It felt different....and it probably was for both of us at the time.
However, I think that what was different is that he had bolted from the gate and was free after 10 years with the same woman. I'm sure that felt DAMN good!! Obviously, for him it damn sure felt different to be with someone new and exciting.....I like to think I am at the very least that.
I guess there is something to be said for the energy of a new relationship, or shall I say fling. That's what it turned out to be.
The novelty seemed to wear off quickly. Next thing I know he has a new girl...probably feeding her the same lines and hoping for the best. I find a selfish comfort knowing that it won't work for her or the next...and that even he won't be satisfied with commitment straight out of a marriage...but what I do know is he will look back and remember me for not making it hard to move on...in fact for making what might have been a sad time, a good one.
I for one learned first hand, as I need to do in order to dole out advice to my friends that dating the recently divorced is not a good idea. You will only be the good time girl. If that's cool with you, go for it - just don't FALL for it.
In fact, me being me I asked advice from at least a dozen friends, some divorced, some not. Not one of them said I should "take a chance." In fact, all of them said DON'T DO IT.
What did I do though? Oh, well I listened to the advice, just didn't take it. It's a problem I have.
I can give advice all day, all week long and I am often asked for it. In fact I was asked by at least three different people today (2 female and 1 male!) for love advice...and I had a lot to say!
Oddly, I don't understand why people come to me really because I can't seem to keep a relationship going...or maybe I haven't wanted to.
But I digress back to taking a chance...so I decided to give this guy a shot. He was damn sure charming. I went for it and fell for the lines like the true dreamer I am. I thought there might have been a chance with this one. It felt different....and it probably was for both of us at the time.
However, I think that what was different is that he had bolted from the gate and was free after 10 years with the same woman. I'm sure that felt DAMN good!! Obviously, for him it damn sure felt different to be with someone new and exciting.....I like to think I am at the very least that.
I guess there is something to be said for the energy of a new relationship, or shall I say fling. That's what it turned out to be.
The novelty seemed to wear off quickly. Next thing I know he has a new girl...probably feeding her the same lines and hoping for the best. I find a selfish comfort knowing that it won't work for her or the next...and that even he won't be satisfied with commitment straight out of a marriage...but what I do know is he will look back and remember me for not making it hard to move on...in fact for making what might have been a sad time, a good one.
I for one learned first hand, as I need to do in order to dole out advice to my friends that dating the recently divorced is not a good idea. You will only be the good time girl. If that's cool with you, go for it - just don't FALL for it.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Dear creepy match.com guy,
Dear creepy match.com guy,
You have the crazy eyes. If you would like to find love or at least not scare it immediately away, please lose one or more of the following from your picture:
a) tarp
b) creepy camo truckah hat
c) pegboard complete with tools as your back drop.
You have the crazy eyes. If you would like to find love or at least not scare it immediately away, please lose one or more of the following from your picture:
a) tarp
b) creepy camo truckah hat
c) pegboard complete with tools as your back drop.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Cosmo asks....
So Cosmo asks: "When before sex should my guy put on the condom?"
...just before his penis makes contact with you vagina," explains Vanessa Cullins, MD.
REALLY???!!! No shit! Did they really need to consult the good doctor to come up with this mind blowing answer??!
I have officially been dumbed down for this segment of the day.
...just before his penis makes contact with you vagina," explains Vanessa Cullins, MD.
REALLY???!!! No shit! Did they really need to consult the good doctor to come up with this mind blowing answer??!
I have officially been dumbed down for this segment of the day.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Cesar says, "ssstttttt!!!"
I watched an episode of Dog Whisperer recently that struck a chord. There was a couple who could not seem to rid their german shepherd of his habit of chasing it's tail. It was a compulsive routine for the dog.
Round and round it would go...round and round and round....until Cesar suggested they put a back pack on the dog that held water bottles. It was to give the dog a purpose Cesar said and cure his tail chasing.
I feel like that dog....chasing my tail, looking for a purpose.
I am feeling a little lost lately...like I'm not sure what my purpose is in life and wonder if I will figure this out soon.
I am a very independent woman in my 30's. That said, I feel like there are so many things that I need to be doing...helping people, traveling, falling in love with the right man....etc. Guess I need a backpack?
Round and round it would go...round and round and round....until Cesar suggested they put a back pack on the dog that held water bottles. It was to give the dog a purpose Cesar said and cure his tail chasing.
I feel like that dog....chasing my tail, looking for a purpose.
I am feeling a little lost lately...like I'm not sure what my purpose is in life and wonder if I will figure this out soon.
I am a very independent woman in my 30's. That said, I feel like there are so many things that I need to be doing...helping people, traveling, falling in love with the right man....etc. Guess I need a backpack?
Three Cats & a Tramp Stamp....
...about the 3 cats and a tramp stamp...well, someone said I had 3 cats and a tramp stamp when they described me recently. I just had to laugh....it has a nice ring to it. Love me, love my cats, love my mini body art along with it.
It does bring me to this question: Is it scary for a guy to find out that I have 3 cats? Do they automatically think that I will add a fourth? ...a fifth? I mean I guess that can be worrisome, but even I know 3 is more than enough for me.
I think there just happens to be certain stigmas attached to the 3 cat scenario:
1. Your house will smell terrible.
2. You'll get a fourth, a fifth, a sixth....!
3. They will steal your breath. (heard this first hand date, true story)
Oddly enough, my exes always want to take them in the "divorce." So I feel that my 3 boys can't be all that bad.
I just wonder if anyone else has had problems with the way people view them and their pets.
Do you have any stories about how your pets have affected your relationships?
It does bring me to this question: Is it scary for a guy to find out that I have 3 cats? Do they automatically think that I will add a fourth? ...a fifth? I mean I guess that can be worrisome, but even I know 3 is more than enough for me.
I think there just happens to be certain stigmas attached to the 3 cat scenario:
1. Your house will smell terrible.
2. You'll get a fourth, a fifth, a sixth....!
3. They will steal your breath. (heard this first hand date, true story)
Oddly enough, my exes always want to take them in the "divorce." So I feel that my 3 boys can't be all that bad.
I just wonder if anyone else has had problems with the way people view them and their pets.
Do you have any stories about how your pets have affected your relationships?
All the names have been changed...
I am "that girl." The girl who always seems to wind up with the biggest jerk, or at the very least the most unfortunate of dating stories. The ones that you end up repeating and saying, "I would have seen that coming!," or "She walks right into disaster!" or "will she eeeevvvveer learn???"
The thing is I'm trying my damndest to learn and it seems that the dating scene is like a virus where the same shit keeps happening, but finds a new and more inventive way to attack each time.
It's not that I intentionally try to find the worst guys to date, but even when I think I'm picking the "nice guy," I find only that they are putting on their best nice man mask and sneaking up on me with a hidden girlfriend or a fetish for wearing footless Spanx.
I recently told someone that I would be the best candidate for The Bachelorette. The only prerequisite being that out of 26 guys, you have the uncanny ability to pick the biggest asshole. Jillian Harris has nothing on me..but she damn sure is close! Imma ratings goldmine, bitches!!
Anyway, since these stories sometimes upset me at first, then I'm hoping writing about it will make me laugh, maybe help me learn...and possibly you'll get something out of it too.
The thing is I'm trying my damndest to learn and it seems that the dating scene is like a virus where the same shit keeps happening, but finds a new and more inventive way to attack each time.
It's not that I intentionally try to find the worst guys to date, but even when I think I'm picking the "nice guy," I find only that they are putting on their best nice man mask and sneaking up on me with a hidden girlfriend or a fetish for wearing footless Spanx.I recently told someone that I would be the best candidate for The Bachelorette. The only prerequisite being that out of 26 guys, you have the uncanny ability to pick the biggest asshole. Jillian Harris has nothing on me..but she damn sure is close! Imma ratings goldmine, bitches!!
Anyway, since these stories sometimes upset me at first, then I'm hoping writing about it will make me laugh, maybe help me learn...and possibly you'll get something out of it too.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)